Post by redrooster on Jan 25, 2009 6:25:40 GMT -8
> This is sooooooooooo funny!!!
>
> When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
> > expensive...
> > So, I took her to the gas station.
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ********
> >
> > My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were
> > in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
> > "No," she answered.
> > I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
> > She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
> > So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ********
> >
> > After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
> > Security.
> > The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify
> > my age.
> > I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
> > I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and
> > come back later The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
> > So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
> > She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me'
> > And she processed my Social Security application.
> > When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
> > Social Security office.
> > She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
> > Disability, too'
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ********
> >
> > Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed
> > the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.
> > I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a
> > torrential downpour.
> > The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on
> > the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
> > I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into
> > bed.
> > I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and
> > whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
> > My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband
> > is out fishing in that?'
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ********
> >
> > My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
> > kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
> > nearby table.
> > My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
> > 'Yes,' I sighed, 'she's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
> > drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
> > hasn't been sober since.'
> > 'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on
> > celebrating that long?'
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ********
> >
> > I rear-ended a car this morning.
> > So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out
> > of his car.
> > You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and Little things
> > just seem funny?
> > Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!
> > He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT
> > HAPPY!!!'
> > So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ********
> >
> > I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
> > order first.
> > 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'
> > He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
> > 'Nah, she can order for herself.'
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ********
> >
> > A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
> > She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel
> > horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a
> > compliment.'
> > The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's darn near perfect.'
> > And then the fight started . . .
>
>
> When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
> > expensive...
> > So, I took her to the gas station.
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ********
> >
> > My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were
> > in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
> > "No," she answered.
> > I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
> > She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
> > So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ********
> >
> > After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
> > Security.
> > The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify
> > my age.
> > I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
> > I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and
> > come back later The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
> > So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
> > She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me'
> > And she processed my Social Security application.
> > When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
> > Social Security office.
> > She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
> > Disability, too'
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ********
> >
> > Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed
> > the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.
> > I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a
> > torrential downpour.
> > The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on
> > the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
> > I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into
> > bed.
> > I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and
> > whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
> > My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband
> > is out fishing in that?'
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ********
> >
> > My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
> > kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
> > nearby table.
> > My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
> > 'Yes,' I sighed, 'she's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
> > drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
> > hasn't been sober since.'
> > 'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on
> > celebrating that long?'
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ********
> >
> > I rear-ended a car this morning.
> > So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out
> > of his car.
> > You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and Little things
> > just seem funny?
> > Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!
> > He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT
> > HAPPY!!!'
> > So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ********
> >
> > I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
> > order first.
> > 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'
> > He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
> > 'Nah, she can order for herself.'
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ********
> >
> > A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
> > She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel
> > horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a
> > compliment.'
> > The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's darn near perfect.'
> > And then the fight started . . .
>
